a weekend reprieve

My exhusband and I took our kids to the coast this weekend. We had a fabulous time. We played in the sand, watched the sunset from the beach. Stayed in a fabulous hotel room at the Shilo in which not only had windows which looked right out on the ocean but actually had two separate bedrooms, separate from each other and the general living room and kitcheonette. We swam in the hotel pool (they have two, we used the one which was three feet deep all the way across and heated). The girls had a great time and surprisingly so did I. Aa bought me a pair of swim trunks and a tank like top so I didn't feel completely exposed. Anyway all in all we had a fabulous time.
We also got to see Aa's brother and his wife. We love them! They are fun to hang out with and our conversations flow so easily. It's like we each have one sect of our family that is really cool. I have my sister and her husband and he has his brother and sister in law. The rest as Aa says are just crazy.
I want to live at the coast. I love the ocean so much and I love the small town feel. Aa and I spent a bunch of time talking about how that could happen. I'm not going to hold my breath it seems like alot of pipe dreaming from where I'm at right now but maybe. someday.
In the meantime we both felt a reprieve from our stressful lives and for a little while my head stoped aching.

self protection vs. coddling the impaired

It was my credit or my desire to not help him. I chose my credit in part because I can't not help him. He hadn't paid his bills (par the norm) but his power bill (which averaged about $50 a month when the girls and I were living there) had built up after months of not paying to over $650! They were going to shut off his power. If he really is as depressed as his family purports then having his power turned off, thereby denying him access to his computers and Everquest could very well be the last straw as it is his only contact with others. I paid the bill out of our joint account (which contains only his pay). Then I got a call about our cell phone bill. I need my cell phone. As an epileptic with two little kids it would be irresponsible of me to take them out by myself without the means to call for help if necessary. Also on a more selfish note, I want a phone of my own where my friends can leave messages that don't have to be filtered thru or remembered by my parents. His cell phone is his main phone. It is a requirement of his job that he have one and he recieves an allowance in his pay to guarantee he has it. They were going to shut them off because the bill (almost $400) hadn't been paid since Sept. I paid it as well out of the same account.
It frustrates me that I still have to take care of him but in that part of me I seem to have no control over I still care for him. It angers me that I have to moniter all the bills because even though he said that they were his responsibility and I shouldn't worry about it, my credit is being damaged by his inability to function right now. I can't afford to have bad credit. If I am ever going to be able to be out on my own I'm going to need excellent credit. Not to have credit cards but because I want to own my own home. This of course seems so far away.
I bought my first brand new car two years ago. I bought it all by myself, no help with down payment or loan approval. I was so proud. Two weeks later I lost my driver's license when I began having seizures. I felt robbed.
8 months ago, my husband and I made an offer on a house that I loved. They accepted our offer but then backed out when the finance guy he had chosed against my wishes ( I just had a bad feeling about the guy) started trying to tweak the proposal after it had been accepted. We lost the house and within the next two months I would be sitting at my parents the day after Memorial Day weekend wondering when my husband was going to get there to take us home. He didn't come, didn't call, and didn't answer the phone when I called. Finally one of my friends called. She had just called my home to talk with me and was told by my husband that I had left him and he didn't know where I was. All my calls, messages, pages, emails all asking where he had gone, why he hadn't picked us up yet. I don't get it. I feel like I get within arms reach of my dreams and then they disappear like a mirage.

Iraqi insider

Kevin Sites is a photojournalist who is with the Marines in Fallujah. His blog is well worth reading.

http://www.kevinsites.net

by the way.. It is a tumor but it's not cancer

No cancer. Surgery went well. Coworkers revolted company is holding my job for 6 weeks.

blah blah blah

Seth is leaving this I know for his own mouth told me so. (this should be sung to Jesus loves me tune). I knew it. I just didn't know he knew it... or would admit it. He's morbidly depressed. You know so depressed that his family is worried he might kill himself. I didn't want to feel responsible and that's the truth however terrible. So I went to see him. I told him that he needed to get out of the house, move, walk, talk with friends, function. I got him to put his shoes on and walk with me. I pretended I was his friend and not his wife. As a friend your job is to support your friend and I tried to be encouraging but when he asked me for an opinion I asked if he wanted me to answer as a friend or his wife. "What's the difference?" he asked. Tears and boiling rage I responded. I don't think he liked to hear that. I have this ability to pick up on how people feel, it's a gift really, so when the tears started streaming down his face and his shoulders shook I intuitively knew that I had hurt him. I didn't mean to. I'm just angry and hurt. He told me after the "visit" that I was a good friend and if I ever needed him... "you'll be the last person I call" I interrupted. "I'm glad"! I'm thinking what the hell. But he explained that he's not at a point in his therapy where he feels able to maintain friendships. Fine. fuck you. Better to have no delusions I guess. It sounds hostile but I think he felt better after the visit. He seemed uplifted (you know no tears, no shaking shoulders, slight smile). He said he was relieved that I didn't hate him. We'll see. Give me time.