Well, there's hell and then there's Hell.

People in general never cease to amaze me. The man I used to call Dear when I called has finally struck the mortal blow to our relationship. I was stupid when after I listened to his, "I want to be with you but I can't handle the responsibility of being a husband and a father but I'm really gonna try" speech followed by the "I'll call you soon". I actually thought he'd call. I amaze myself with my own stupidity. I always try to make him more comfortable and when he didn't call for two weeks I knew that I would still be civil when we finally spoke next. But then I emailed him that I would be coming out to the apartment (the one I used to call home) to get some stuff I needed for the girls. He called the very next day while I was at work and actually had the audacity to tell me "NO!". Excuse me, I calmly replied, it's still my apartment my name is on the lease I will come when I want. "No you won't" he informed me and I with tears in the eyes of my incredulous face calmly asked if he thought that pissing me off and making me cry at work was really the best course of action for somebody who supposedly wants his wife back? Well I don't need to explain every word that was spoken but let's just say that apparently he did think it was the best course for him. So today, with my dear sister and brother in law we packed up ALL of my stuff and by Monday I will have nothing left in the apartment. We packed while he lurked like a cartoon vulture. Crying silently when they could not see but I could, working his whiny-ass mojo as best he could to cajole me into feeling bad, into apologizing for victimizing him. This man who abandoned my children and myself without even the balls to look me in the eye and say he wants out still thinks that a few tears and a quivering lip will sway me. Apparently he's an asshole, and a crazy one at that. Finally with our relationship standing with its hands up in the air looking wide-eyed over the edge of the freakin' grand canyon he gave it the final prod over the edge without even realizing that he'd done it. You see he wasn't there when it fell. He told us while we packed that we could use our van (gee how generous that you loan me something that's already mine, but I digress) so we loaded it up but then he said he'd see me tomorrow. What?!? Well it seems he had to go to work tonight so he wouldn't be able to let us use the van or empty it until tomorrow. He'll just come by my parents and drop the stuff off and maybe we can (brace yourself) "play some scrabble"! This man is obviously insane, he should be locked up. So there was the push and the relationship was teetering dangerously on the edge and bad spaghetti western music was playing in the background and you start to eat your popcorn a little faster because you don't know if it's going to fall or be able to regain balance. Meanwhile back at the ranch my oldest daughter is leading her life without this man who TEN WEEKS AGO! cut her off without a single word. The man she had lived with and called Daddy who one day woke up and decided he wasn't cut out to be a Dad and hasn't seen or spoken to her since. I came home and decided that I needed to talk with her about this. I don't want her to feel shocked that he has suddenly shown up or for her to be confused that we are moving back to the apartment. So I tell her and then she says "I don't want to see him. I want to tape my eyes shut so I can't see him" (Can you hear the relationship screaming? It finally lost its struggle for balance and is now plummeting to its death) She pinned her eyes shut with her fingers to demonstrate where the tape would go and how it would work. She then opened those beautiful eyes and got teary... and loud. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM!" (Did you hear the wet thunk as the relationship finally smashed on the rocks far below? Did you hear it's head split open like a watermelon? I did). "You don't have to see him if you don't want to", I told her. So I've made arrangements with my Dad for the two of them to go out when that insignificant deadbeat whackjob comes to drop off their stuff. What a freak. Why would you think that showing up after ten weeks to drop off their bunk beds would endear kids to you? I don't know about anybody else but I think I'm gonna be lookin' for a cliff tomorrow so that I can show him the reenactment of that bad spaghetti western and he can play the part of Mr. R.E. Lationship. And I'll play Richard Edward (you know DickEd) the one with the gun. [By the way just a little post script.. did you know that when you do a spell check the spell checker tries to replace "freakin" with "foreskin". Odd and vaguely amusing don't you think"