I am struggling

I want to tell him I am angry. I want to tell him anything but he has not called and I feel like I can't call. It's not a matter of being stubborn or wanting to "force" him to make a move. It's that I feel like he has to make an effort. I can't do everything now or I will always be doing everything. I can't do this by myself and yet he won't do anything. It wouldn't take much. If he could just call or write me a letter. I waiver between angry and air-too-thick-to-breathe-must-gasp sadness. Why is this happening? I don't see the path I am supposed to be on. I don't know how this will get better. I don't see the other side of this. Where is my silver lining? Where is my bright side? I am losing my great aunt. She is dying and I hear the doctor tell me that her heart is slowing down and it won't be long. I hear us setting up appointments with Hospice and I know that it is ending but I can't stand it. I don't want her to suffer but I can't imagine a world without her. And my husband is AWOL. I am losing the person who I have loved most in the world outside of my parents for my entire life and he is no where to be seen. And my kids keep crying for him and I don't know what to say. I am bereft. I can't breathe. Why is he doing this? What do I do? Where do I go from here? I am struggling to breathe, live, sleep, work, eat....