...seem to disappear into the past

I had this life. More accurately, I thought I had this life. I was going to live happily ever after. That wouldn't have been any fun at all. Neither is this. I have struggled with adult onset epilepsy for over a year now. I lost my job and my car, my license (they don't let people who have seizures drive thank god), my independence. After all this time of struggling with medications and side effects and shit I finally found a doctor who I trusted and a medication that worked. Things were going so well. I applied for a job with full benefits and my husband and I were doing pretty good and my kids were doing great. Then I got the job. and my marriage is ... Dissipating, the job is exhausting and I am starting to have small seizures again although my doctor reassures me that it isn't the medication losing effectiveness. It's that my body is under so much stress that the medication can't keep up. So now we've upped the dose and I am feeling sedated and sick and emotional. Which doesn't help the whole marriage thing. We are living apart now and my kids and I are with my parents. The girls are doing great. I feel badly now that I wasn't aware of how stressed they were until I got them out of the house where we lived with him. I thought things were getting better. I always think things are getting better and then... Suddenly I am alone. I am more than depressed I am collapsed. I can't put my finger on it. It is a million words unspoken, a loving glance lost, a "helpful" criticism that cuts to deep, it's little things, garbage left by the door...me left by the door. How did I become this woman? The last 5 minutes .... have been the last 5 years.